


Empty Apologies

by frozenCinders



Category: Bx: Execute (OFF Fangame)
Genre: CSRverse, M/M, Suicidal Ideation, it's heavy in this one so watch out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-24
Updated: 2020-08-24
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:40:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26087335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frozenCinders/pseuds/frozenCinders
Summary: There are many things that should be said, which Lenny writes down during times of especially great distress. Suicide notes penned by a man who can't die, if you will.
Relationships: Lepi/Borbo | Lenore Thaddeus
Kudos: 5





	Empty Apologies

"Lenore. Explain these."

Lepi sets several pages in front of Lenny. He recognizes all of them, of course.

"Yes, I write those sometimes. It's therapeutic," he says.

Lepi closes his eyes, brow furrowed, before opening them just to look over the notes again.

"That's not all of them, you know. I've been at this for a very long time. Not that anyone else was supposed to read them, you nosy, snooping little hummingbird!"

His tone makes it obvious enough that he doesn't mean the insult-- it was a weak one, anyway-- but Lepi looks genuinely distraught over these notes. A few moments pass and Lepi brings a hand up to his face, dragging down from his forehead and ending at his chin, where it adjusts to hold it. Lenny hears him take a deep breath and he steps away, willing himself to stop poring over the notes.

"Unfortunately, due to my... situation, these won't ever have the meaning that they're supposed to," Lenny comments. "So they're also nothing to worry about."

Lepi still won't say anything. He's facing away now, shoulders hunched slightly whereas he normally stands so proud, so insufferable.

"... You're right, of course," comes a quiet voice in Lenny's head, like it's shyly emerging from around a corner. "I don't know why I'm getting so upset over this."

"Upset?"

Lenny runs over to try to see Lepi's face, but he turns away again.

"Upseeeeeet~?" he repeats playfully.

Lepi looks at him only to glare.

If anyone is to be upset here, it should really be Lenny. He repeatedly bared his soul in those notes, most of which were written during his darkest hours. Some of them are full of contempt for the world and himself, some of them are desperate apologies that might be stained with tears had his helmet not held them in. He doesn't always wear it, but Lepi hasn't discovered those notes.

"If you're reading this, I'm hopefully dead," Lepi reads out without needing to look at the pages. "Do you have any idea how painful it is to read that over and over?"

"At least I go through the trouble of wording it differently, most times. And besides, you already knew this about me. Not the notes, the wanting to die part."

"I suppose... it can be difficult to take anything you say at face value," Lepi says.

"Calling me a filthy liar at a time like this. For shame, Life!"

"I am in no mood to joke around with you, Lenore."

"How about to jest, hm? To jape? To engage in some tomfoolery?"

"Stop."

"Or what? You'll kill me?"

There's a long silence and the eyes disappear off of Lepi's face, leaving it entirely featureless. He's hiding right in front of Lenny. It's a little cute, even in this situation.

"I'll ask you not to go pawing through my things again, by the way," he says, angling his antennae back in slight irritation. "You'll always run the risk of discovering upsetting things, especially when you're looking through my writing. Isn't that why you hate me so much?"

Lepi's eyes return but he says nothing.

"What were you even looking for? Something to bring you to your senses? A reminder of how horrible you already know I am?"

"I was curious. Examining someone's interests from afar is... usually how I get to know them," he answers, eyes averted now.

"I'm right here. You can touch me, you can talk to me."

"It is absolutely not the same as a controlled response. I can learn much more when you're not looking."

"That's sneaky, Life. Uncouth, even!"

"And it's certainly much more pleasant when you're not talking."

At least he's starting to get a hold of himself-- Lepi seems to have shaken off his discovery and is quickly returning to normal. Soon, he will forget any of this happened. Lenny might consider locking his notes away from now on, since nobody would be able to read them in his desired context anyway.

"If you're done interrogating and insulting me, I'll be returning to my book," Lenny says. He returns to his seat and starts flipping through the pages to try to find where he was, since he'd set it down in somewhat of a distracted hurry earlier.

He rereads a few passages until he's fairly certain he doesn't recognize what he's reading and assumes that's where he left off. He's not three paragraphs in before he's interrupted again.

He blinks rapidly, still confused even after he's figured out what's happening. Lepi has settled beside him on the sofa, as close as he can physically get, and his arms are wrapped gently around Lenny. He rests his head on Lenny's shoulder and just sits there, quietly coiled around him.

Lenny waits for him to pull away, but he doesn't. He wants to say something, maybe poke a bit of fun at him, maybe genuinely ask why the hell he'd want to hug him, but he knows opening his mouth would ruin the moment, and might very well send Lepi away from him.

Focusing on his reading once more becomes almost impossible, so he gives up, sets the book down, and holds still. His arms twitch just slightly with the thought of hugging Lepi back, but something nags at him, telling him he'll be breaking some illusion if he touches Lepi. Nothing stops him from relaxing into his hold, though, and Lepi hugs him tighter.

"Sometimes..." Lenny speaks up despite his own brain urging him not to, "I feel like the good in you is emphasized by the bad in me."

Opposites attract, and all that.

"Sometimes I feel that I've become blind to things that aren't mine to forgive," Lepi says. He still doesn't pull away, and Lenny is grateful for it.

"Maybe..."

Lenny trails off, unwilling to speak the rest of his mind. Maybe, though, one person forgiving him can be enough to alleviate the burden he bears... just a little bit. Maybe he'll give all that suicide note writing a rest, for a time, just so Lepi can't complain about them.

Lepi always goes on and on about how every living thing craves and loves and clings ever so tightly to his grade, his gift, meanwhile hardly an organism in the world can tolerate his presence as a person. For Lenny, it's just the opposite.

It's funny how Life makes life a tad more bearable.


End file.
